Most Successful & Spiritual Boss Queens want to be less bossy and more kind and loving I have found.
I know this has been a big desire/drive for me.
You can’t go near a spiritual or self development circle/community, or read a spiritual book without very quickly coming across the theme of unconditional love and how love is our natural state and that returning to it IS the path to enlightenment, happiness and pretty much every fucking thing you could ever have wished for.
The internet is FULL of largely anonymous people telling other, largely anonymous people, how much they love them from behind their laptops: “so much love”, “love you so much”, “sending so much love to you” etc etc etc
And most of the time it’s BULLSHIT.
It’s who they WANT to be seen to as, not WHO they truly are.
In fact, it’s worse than bullshit - it’s a consciousness field that largely disables, castrates, disempowers, manipulates and gives false claims, promises and illusions.
The ‘love and light’ brigade. Hand me a bucket PUH-LEASE! 🤮
Because what’s certainly true for me and for every other successful, driven, powerful, Boss Queen/Mission Driven Entrepreneur I know is that we can be the kindest person in the world AND we can be the most heartless too.
So let’s talk about that: Heartlessness.
And this is your February reason of why NOT to follow me in 2022!
Growing up I guess I was a bit of a bitch really. Some of my teachers, friends, associates, definitely ex boyfriends (!) would probably say A LOT of a bitch - but I know that’s not entirely true.
What is true is that I lacked compassion and empathy. For myself, for others, even my nearest and dearest.
Especially in my teens I was pretty heartless. It took me until I was 18 years old - when my parents divorced - for the flood gates to open and for me to open my heart to compassion. Problem was that my emotions were such an alien feeling to me and so over-powering that compassion quickly turned into excessive and neurotic worry and anxiety -
About myself, my family, the world, life, my friends, pretty much every dam thing going. Turn the fucking tap off I screamed inside after going from panic attack to panic attack to agoraphobia to medication to therapist to out patient - not knowing how the fuck I was going to survive in this avalanche of raw un-felt before emotion.
But I guess that’s what happens after 18 years of suppressed/unexpressed emotion. And having your heart closed off as a form of self protection.
So I did what any sensible 18 year old would do - I drank and drugged my way through it.
For the next 11 years I used and abused mainly alcohol so I could function like a ‘normal’ person in society. It was my number 1 go to crutch and co-dependant support system for EVERYTHING.
Until the day that I rock bottomed and went into AA. I had reached that jumping off place where it was either get the fuck off the planet or do something radical and different to see if that could possibly work.
So I launched myself into recovery 100%. I was desperate, scared, lonely and sick enough to give it a try. And it was there, through the 12 step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous that I first discovered I had a ‘Higher Power’.
If I’m honest, it was the spiritual side of AA that actually hooked me straight in. My soul had been CRYING OUT for me to connect with it. But I hadn’t been listening. I was too sick and distrusting.
So not long after that, while I was in AA, came the teachings, readings and longings for unconditional love.
Something clicked inside of me (my ego) and I believed what I heard (notice: “what I heard”) about how unconditional love was the one size fits all solution to EVERYTHING I was looking for. The elixir of having an awesome life so to speak…
And because I’m smart (and was completely desperate), I quickly turned into the most LOVING person I could be! Just like that! Poof! From cunt to kindness - pretty much overnight! Hahahaha!
Well I thought I’d cracked it. It even got commented on by several people (including the other AA train wreck I was dating - ahem…) just how ADVANCED I was as a new AA recruit! BOOM!
Did I tell you that I’m smart?? 👑
So…. All of this was fine and dandy and I was SO enjoying this new loving me, until piece by painful wounded piece, I systematically gave my power away…
To men mainly. Yep, the other wounded males I attracted and dated in AA.
The ones who treated me like shit, who were completely emotionally unavailable, who abandoned me, abused me, most likely cheated on me, called me the worst possible names, had no respect for me or my feelings and who cruelly toyed with my emotions.
And I just went on ‘unconditionally’ loving them. Forgiving them (because that’s what we’re supposed to do isn’t it?), taking them back, putting up with their bullshit. Because I was being “loving” right?
Nope.
You can’t kid a kidder. (Or the universe)
And I fucking well tried my best. 😜
What it came down to was that my relationship with MYSELF was still toxic. I had not healed from within. At 29 I had not yet unlocked love FOR MYSELF, let alone try to give it to anyone else.
So I got to work on that… for a long time… and still am, because the truth is that I can still be a heartless bitch at times.
I left AA after 4 and a half incredible and healing years. The message no longer spoke to me and I no longer resonated with being a ‘hopeless alcoholic’. I knew I had transformed sufficiently from within and that my new journey was to TRUST MYSELF (love myself) enough to know I could look after myself properly whether I chose to drink or not.
That was nearly 10 years ago now and it was honestly one of the most empowering and liberating choices I have ever made for myself - just in the same way that joining AA in the first place and staying in recovery for as long as I did, was also one of the best decisions I have ever made.
So fast forwards to me now, age 43. A previous Spiritual Teacher who was a Spiritual Guide & Teacher for nearly 7 years - now tuned soul-aligned Success Queen - and I see so many of these similar patterns RIFE in the Spiritual & Personal Development Communities.
The relentless and often toxic pursuit for the elixir of life: unconditional love.
All the Personal Development Guru’s, the Spiritual Teachers, and the followers attached to them - competing like wounded children to show/prove/be/become THE most loving one of all.
Hey, some of them even call themselves Jesus (Sananda) and Mary (Lady Nada) for fucks sake!!! I mean COM’ON!! How egoically competitive can you be…. 🤣🤣🤣
I mean, it’s easy to get lost isn’t it? In the false illusion of ‘being’ loving kindness…
It’s easy to present a facade, talk the talk, even walk some of the walk (at a retreat, workshop, masterclass, even 1:1 in person…)
But what I don’t hear people talk too much about is the times when they are HEARTLESS.
Which must happen, does happen, HAS to happen… especially when you understand about polarities and the higher frequencies (in this case LOVE) coming online as a RESULT of you embracing and transmuting the shadow…
So let me tell you about mine. And who knows, you may even relate. Because let’s get real, get raw, be authentic and GROUNDED for fucks sake!
So - sometimes I can be a complete cunt to Aeythen.
Yes I know, shocker!
Or not, because it always plays out in relationships.
For me it’s in the way I talk to him. Not all the time, but sometimes - if I’m in a certain mood and his mere presence or something he says or does pisses me off, I’ll go for him - vocally. Guns fucking blazing.
Now I’m not proud of this, I’m not endorsing this, I’m just telling you honestly how it is.
We work together, live together, I’m “The Boss Queen/Bitch” and we are in each other’s pockets 24/7. Not that that is an excuse, I was like it before we worked together also! It’s just who I am at times I guess.
He calls me “The tsunami” and him “The Canal”. Because some-how, that strong, resilient guy manages NOT to hold on when I erupt (because like a freak force of Mother Nature - you can’t), but instead he some-how manages to channel that shit.
Afterwards, once I’ve calmed down (which is generally pretty fast - within a few hours max), I’ll apologise or we’ll talk it out and most of the time we’ll get to the bottom of it and own our shit.
Now I’d REALLY like to tell you, that after all of these years of working on myself, paying God knows how much money to coaches, therapists, doctors and advisors, not to mention DOING THE WORK consistently, daily, solidly and with passion and gusto - is that I’d be further down the line by now and we wouldn’t still be having these ‘major eruptions’, but that just wouldn’t be true. So I won’t.
What I will tell you though is that the reason we are happily together after 8 years IS because of all the work that we have and continue to do on ourselves.
Is it perfect? No. Would it shock people if they over-heard one of these episodes? Probably yes. Would I feel ashamed? You betcha. Do I wish it were different? Hell yes.
But that wouldn’t be the path would it? To ACTUALLY EMBODY Divine Love…
To do that you have to accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mean mother fucker and that’s another way of saying “heartless”.
Accepting heartlessness.
It’s the DEEP work.
Not continuing to give energy to the surface illusion of what love ‘should’ look like or ‘should’ be like - like so many we see out in the field -
But instead being with where you’re at in that moment, and accepting yourself. Loving yourself anyway, for that fact.
So when I get a card from Aeythen like the one I did on Valentines Day, which says he couldn’t wish for a better, more perfect, more loving girlfriend, I can’t help but slightly choke on my tea/wine and feel a pang of shame & disappointment.
Accepting heartlessness.
It’s not WHO you ARE, but it can be who you are in that moment.
Let me know in the comments if this resonates.
And remember -
You are here to rule YOUR world.
Ariella
P.S. Want to find out more out my Inner Success Circle where we’re working on all this shit AND activating your money, mission & impact at the same time? Send me an email to support@ariellaindigo.com and let me know where you’re at, what you want and why you’re ready to FUCKING OWN IT in 2022 and I’ll get back to you with a plan of how you can get there.
About Ariella Juno Indigo:
7 Figure Success Queen, Evolutionary Leader & Media Personality.
I’m an entrepreneurial rebel, plugged into SOUL, with plenty of sass, passion, fire and a no BS attitude!
I’m gifted with laser insight into people’s Souls and am intuitive AF, for real! 😜
My mission is about RE-BIRTHING & RE-ALIGNING all wildly successful New Paradigm Leaders, Influencers, Disruptors & Purpose Driven Entrepreneurs into the HIGHEST & most integral versions of themselves so they can be as authentic, as free, as prosperous on ALL QUANTUM LEVELS, while making a HUGE impact in the world & shifting humanities consciousness into the next evolution.
I am here to help you remember who you are so you can become who you are.
I share my Soul with my tribe daily on social media and also via my email list. To connect with me and go deeper into activating YOUR success, join my free FB group here and follow me on Instagram here.