How my Dark Nights of the Soul led me to a thriving 7-figure business
Here is the part of my story I don’t talk about often. It’s my dark night(s) of the soul. Some of my hardest moments. My biggest lessons.
I’m sharing it with you because it’s about TRANSFORMATION and REBIRTH. And it can help you too. It’s how I’ve come to know myself to be a Mage. It was a key milestone in my hero’s journey of unlocking my super-powers.
We are all asked to go on our own version of the hero’s/heroine’s journey, and my story is not better or worse than yours. We each experience the initiations differently. We all have to go through the initiations that WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES to get to a higher level of self.
Also, know that our stories are related to the Creation Codes in our Soul Blueprint. Your own version of rebirth depends on your Soul Blueprint.
My Soul Blueprint has Creation Code 17-8 in both physical and spiritual challenge positions. I also have a 13-4 in Soul Destiny. I have lived the life of a 17-8 and 13-4 and continue the work of transforming the Codes into my greatest strengths.
Deep breath…
Out of alignment and running out of luck
It was about 14 years ago, at age 28, as I was going through my Saturn Return. I was a business manager at Porsche, had a decent level of success, a good 6 figure salary, all the trappings - even a new car (a Porsche) every six months. I was living in London with a couple of friends.
On the surface, I had everything going for me. To the outsider, I was doing well. But on the inside, I was a train wreck.
To my friends and family, I was on a path of destruction - living two lives, one at work and another at home. I was living recklessly, getting crazy drunk every weekend, acting outrageously, very unpredictable and unbalanced. I was heading for a cliff, full speed ahead.
Overwhelmed with anxiety, feeling tortured from the inside out, not knowing how to cope with my inner turbulence, and, unbeknownst to me, carrying dark energy that didn’t belong to me, I was having difficulty committing to being here, in this life, in this body, on this planet.
You see, I felt different from a very young age, having psychic experiences as a child, being incredibly energy sensitive. This led to anxiety and depression - I used to have five panic attacks a day at one point, was agoraphobic, not possessing the coping mechanisms to act responsibly and deal with the pain. So I had turned to drink. And that had created a huge emotional dependency.
My relationship with myself was completely fractured.
I was struggling to go to work each day. Often I would wake up with an overwhelming sense of impending doom. I was anxious, afraid, sometimes not knowing how I would make it through the day.
It got so bad that eventually I got referred by a senior doctor to go into rehab. Everything was set, but because I delayed my admission to finish up work projects, the insurance company denied my claim and refused to pay for the costly treatment. I was on my own with no support system or hope of getting better. I felt it was only a matter of time before my luck ran out.
When rock bottom has a trap door
In a desperate attempt to find something more stable, I moved from London to the same village my dad lived in, out in the countryside with plenty of room for the dog I’ve always wanted.
Indi, my incredible cocker spaniel, has been a major catalyst in my journey. Many animals come to us to be healers, and Indi definitely is a healer for me.
My intentions to look after Indi couldn’t have been more pure and more loving. I longed to care for him, look after him and give him the best possible life that I could. But what happened one weekend changed everything.
I was alone and feeling very turbulent on the inside. I went to the local pub (to try and balance myself...) and got out of my head drunk. I invited people - strangers - back to my house to continue the party. Indi was there, stuck in his crate, as people were drinking and doing drugs around him.
One of the girls at the party thought to move his crate (thank God). But it wasn’t me. I had totally failed him as his mum.
(The 13-4 I have in Soul Destiny is supposed to represent the Divine Mother. What irony. But this is transformation we’re talking about...)
The following day, panic, fear, shame, and guilt set in as I woke up to the realisation of my reckless and irresponsible behaviour the night before. I promised to keep him safe. I was responsible for his health, his well-being. I was his MUM.
The thought gripped me: “If you can do this to your dog, you’ll do it to your child if you have one in the future.”
Photo by Peter de Vink from Pexels
Clarity rises with the sun: A new day, a new way
And I knew at that moment it was true. I couldn’t trust myself. I began to spiral down into a very dark place.
I was asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep getting into these messes?”
A moment of clarity came from outside of me, but what I have come to realise, it was actually from deep within - my soul, my intuition, my divine.
“It’s your drinking.”
I heard it loud and clear. And I went to Alcoholics Anonymous the next day. That was the start of my journey to recovery.
Pain always transmutes into purpose.
I THREW myself into recovery. For the next 8 years, I ate, drank, breathed, and slept inner work and recovery. I started getting better from the inside. I started TRANSFORMING into the person I’d forgotten I was. The person I never felt I could be.
Responsible. Kind. Loving. Thoughtful. Safe.
A good daughter. And a good doggie mum too.
This is one of the life experiences I’ve had that now helps me guide others through their own personal transformations and rebirths.
Still now, when I tap into what I’ve created in my life and in my mission since those dark days, it could make me cry.
What nearly breaks you is your breakthrough, and it drives you to bring your mission online.
There were many more initiations, but now that I’ve come through another key transition (aged 35-42) to understand myself as a Mage, a Mission Catalyst, and an Indigo, I’m called to give back to those who kept me alive long enough to discover who I truly am and put me on the path of my mission.
I hope my story inspires you.
I hope it helps you remember that even in the darkest places, even during the most desperate times, even when you can’t see a way out, there is a springboard that can catapult you onto the path of your purpose.
You can course-correct at any time.
By understanding that these very difficult times are initiations - that YOU created in your Soul Blueprint - you step into the person you were sent here to be.
You are stronger than you can ever imagine. You are designed for greatness. You are magick.
Indi’s 13 next month 🐶 I couldn’t love him more. ❤️13-4 ❤️
Ascension is never a solo journey
Inde wasn’t my only savior. Like so many other people, I likely wouldn’t be alive today without the help of some key people, organisations, support centres, and voluntary workers.
Being on earth, awakening spiritually and transmuting our shadow can be really REALLY tough at times.
There are so many individual people and organisations I could mention that helped me:
My mum (my 4 am emergency contact for many years)
Jane Brown (my surrogate sponsor in AA)
Alcoholics Anonymous & 12-step programmes
Ali Fogg (a dear friend that helped me through an extremely difficult relationship breakup)
My kind, patient, and unconditionally loving partner Aeythen
And many more...
But the one I want to especially highlight today and give gratitude to is The Samaritans Charity who answered my call during one of my darkest moments (in fact it was two calls, over the space of two very difficult weeks).
Samaritans - Saving lives, one call at a time
Samaritans is a unique charity dedicated to reducing feelings of isolation and disconnection that can lead to suicide. Every seven seconds, Samaritans answer a call for help. Their 20,000+ volunteers are available, day or night, for anyone struggling to cope, who needs someone to listen without judgment or pressure.
Because of the incredible work they do and my own personal connection with them, I am proud to announce Samaritans as our chosen charity of the year, with proceeds from my 4-month Creation Code Initiate Programme going to support this important cause.
If you want to learn more about Samaritans, you can visit their website at https://www.samaritans.org/. If you live in the UK and need immediate help, you can call 116 123 anytime.
My heart is with you on your own healing and ascension journey.
With love and empathy,
Ariella xx
P.S. If you are outside the UK and struggling to see a way out, please seek support. Here is a list of organisations that can help.